Wine Colored Glasses

Couldn't get enough naps in...

2008-09-24T21:30:00.002-04:00

So, John McCain couldn't get enough naps in before the debate on Friday, so he's decided to have some mushed carrots and suspend his campaign. Does anyone else smell total bullshit?

I've been working, in a professional capacity, with a federal government automaton, who works with the EPA. I talked with him a few weeks ago, and he took off his Scooby-Doo Gov-Speak face and talked some politics with me... in the course of that conversation, he recommended a fantastic website, www.wonkette.com. I totally heart the snarky tone of it. And I totally heart the list of web responses to McCain "pussying" out of the debate:

John McCain puts his presidential campaign in a six by eight foot box.
McCain suspends campaign upon word he is going to embarrass himself Friday night and will subsequently lose in November.
Frail old man runs from African American asking for change.
At 8:30am this morning, Obama called McCain about working together to get the emergency bailout legislation passed. John McCain responded by suspending his campaign and trying to take credit for the idea.
In honor of McCain trying to get out of Friday’s debate, here’s a recipe for chicken pancakes.
McCain to suspend campaign, debates immediately…after pandering to the Clintons by addressing Bill’s Global Initiative session tomorrow.
John McCain has asked to postpone Friday’s debate to focus attention on how he put politics aside long enough to steal headlines by asking to postpone the debate.
I think we should just postpone the election until he has a chance to win.
But, my debate party! What an asshole.
I urge the president to declare a state of emergency and cancel all elections until this crisis has passed. Only a striving Chicago pol would think of his own career in times likes these. Country first people, country first.
Scaredee Cat.

P.S. Speaking of "pussying", Lisa, how's the new kitten?

Political and TV commentary, courtesy of (my) Dave

2008-09-10T22:16:00.013-04:00

Sitting here tonight, after lamenting the plunge of political debate in the past week from actual policy differences to lipstick and pigs, AND seeing what must be the 357,612th television spot this year about the upcoming change to digital only tv* in 2009, the following conversation took place in my family room:

Me (dripping sarcasm): Hey dude, did you hear that some shit is happening with TV next year???
Dave: *rolls eyes*
Me: We're covered, right? Its only antenna reception that's affected?
Dave: Yep.
Me: Who the hell is really still watching TV with an antenna anyway???
Dave (deadpan): All those people out there voting for McCain.

Snort. I love that man.

* Seriously? There's a .gov website devoted to this!?!??!!

Palin' in Comparison??

2008-08-29T20:23:00.004-04:00

Come on!!! I can't be the only one who's gonna make that joke!!! So, how many people saw the big announcement of the GOP Veep this morning? Whatever the number, it must pale in comparison to the 38 million who tuned in for Obama's acceptance speech last night....Thirty Eight Million. That's more than the audience that tuned in for the Olympics Opening Ceremony, the Academy Awards, or the (gasp) American Idol Finale. That's a crazy amount of people to watch anything political, let alone a speech.

I, in keeping with my obvious tech-savvy coolness, also got news of McCain's VP via text message, although at 11:30am, not 3am, (thank you Andrea) since I was trapped far from the news at a kid birthday party. My first response, like most of the country was, "Who??" And I'm still trying to figure out exactly who she is, and whether this was a brilliant, ballsy move on McCain's part, or the biggest gift he could have given the Dems. I guess it remains to be seen. Clearly he's going for the disenchanted Hillary supporters. However, with Palin's stance on abortion I have to wonder how many women democrats will really pull that lever based soley on her gender. I guess it remains to be seen.

The most compelling thing to me about Palin at the moment is that she gave birth 6 weeks after I did and is running for Vice President. Does that make her amazing? Or crazy?

And finally, I give you Jezebel, the most balls out blog post that came up when I googled "Sarah Palin Abortion Stance" in a fruitless effort to find an article stating that Palin's view is "no abortion, even in the case of rape or incest" which I heard on MSNBC today but cannot prove apparently, even with the help of google. If nothing else*, I have to appreciate the excessive use of asterisks in this post.

*The opinions expressed in Jezebel's commentary are solely those of the writer, and are not necessarily affiliated with WineColoredGlasses.

Sex, Girls, and Booze!

2008-08-29T14:30:00.004-04:00

Well, break out the pink cigars... It's a girl! McCain has picked Sarah Palin as his running mate. My knee jerk reactions as I was watching the press conference on CNN at the gym during lunch:

1) Awesome! No matter what happens in November, we've broken the lock on stodgy old white men in the driver's seat!
2) How stupid does John McCain think women are? I mean, seriously, we're just supposed to twirl our hair and get pumped about that person with ovaries just because it has ovaries?? I really hope the PUMA people aren't that dumb… though I wouldn't doubt it.
3) Kind of blows that whole "too inexperienced" thing out of the water, doesn't it? And, not to put too fine a point on it, our Republican nominee is a cancer survivor who is celebrating his 72nd birthday today… that's a lotta candles.

And, because I am a blatant partisan… I just can't help it:

*** quick pop culture interlude. In the Ironic Celebrity Twist news, David Duchovny, star of "Californication" goes to rehab for… wait for it, sex addiction. Which, as my astute hubby pointed out this morning, is code for "got caught cheating on his wife." Awesome.

And finally, Lisa, I found the perfect wine for us next week!

Great Expectations

2008-08-29T08:21:00.003-04:00

And then there's me - who was totally thrilled with the entire scene. I thought the convention was amazing, and couldn't have played out more beautifully if Steven Speilberg had directed it. We had Michelle, whose speech Andrea critiqued perfectly earlier in the week. Then there were the Clintons, neither of which I care for personally. But Hillary did everything she needed to, short of telling the PUMAs to STFU. Then there's Bill. Slick Willy literally makes my skin crawl, until he opens his mouth and starts talking. The man is a slimebag, but there is no one else like him when it comes to politics, and even I had a shit eating grin throughout his entire speech and he knocked it out of the park. Joe Biden is someone I haven't really known anything about until last weekend, when I googled and read everything I could find after the much anticipated 3am text message (Hmmmm, is the 3am t4ext message the 21st century 3am phone call??? Wow, we're so cool!) So far I like what I see. I totally get why he's the VP Obama chose.

And Baracky-poo......Barack met my expectations in every way last night. Hubby and I were cheering throughout the entire thing, feeling as though he was speaking directly to us at several times, and only calling bullshit on a couple of minor points. And I'm not gonna lie - I am hungry for someone to be in the White House whose wedding pictures look like mine, whose kids could be the ones in my neighborhood, and whose wife I could imagine being a co-worker of mine. I have embraced every aspect of the whole "passing the torch" thing Ted Kennedy spoke of the other night.

And I'm the queen of managed expectations. I guess I'm holding my cards close for November 4th, where I fear that the religious right base will go to the polls in droves and barely pluck the White House from Obama's hands.

This is the first time I have ever been this involved, this informed or this inspired by a presidential candidate. It's the first time I've wanted a democrat to win so desperately. It's the first time I've ever volunteered for a campaign. It's the first time I've ever felt that our country needed such a drastic turn around - and the first time I've seen a candidate that I thought could actually do it. I just hope its not my turn to cry the day after the election.

And just for superstition's sake, I made sure to drink NO RED WINE during the convention! :) Just in case.

Managed Expectations

2008-08-29T08:10:00.002-04:00

I think this is the theme of this convention for me. For example, I was expecting Bill C. to completely stink the place up, but he didn't. He hit every mark he was expected to, and did it with an amazing amount of authenticity. Don't get me wrong… until he opened his greasy little cigar trap, every time he squinted at the camera, I did a little silent voodoo wishing for his death. And then started talking, and it all faded away, and all the sudden, he was Bill Clinton, elder statesman and leader of the party, passing a torch in glowing terms to his antecessor. And managed to do it without throwing his wife under the bus. It was truly an amazing political spectacle. It's no wonder this man was elected twice.

But I had really high expectations for Barack's speech, and somehow I was left… unsatisfied. Don't get me wrong-- it was a great speech. It had all of the elements that it needed to have-- a clear vision of what an Obama presidency would look like, an introduction to him and his past, and (surprisingly) a very harsh send-up of John McCain (I had expected him to leave the down and dirty stuff to his proxies… but he got right down there and slang mud with the best of them last night). He even had some inspirational words for the people in the rafters. But because I had such high expectations, I couldn't help but feel a little… disappointed is WAY too strong of a word… even-keeled, I suppose. I think I was expecting euphoria, which is a bit much.

I don't think it's a small detail, either, that I was 2 sheets to the wind by the time Bill took the stage (All Hail, Chardonnay in Chief), and was dead sober last night. Just sayin'.

The New Presidential Spouse

2008-08-26T07:57:00.002-04:00

OK, I have to do this before I even dip my toes into what I am sure is a sea of analysis of Michelle Obama's prime time speech last night. In short: wow. I can't imagine anyone, even the most cynical, could watch that speech and not come away with a better impression of her. Since I already started out on the Love Train, I am completely over the moon this morning. In fact, I'd cast my ballot for her if I could.

She has the truest of all American success stories, and truly has her priorities straight. I also appreciate how strong and centered she is. I think you can really tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. And keeping Michelle Obama around says leagues more about the character of Barack Obama than any polling or debate or (Admittedly cheesy) European tour. It says that he is willing to surround himself by people that challenge him.

And sure, he has adorable children. Who were WAY off script (up yours, Dems!). But it was really Michelle that took the evening. How can anyone who was pulling for Hillary listen to Michelle and not feel that same pull? Talk about a woman who would make the White House really ROCK.

The most obvious contrast of the night came as I was watching the scrolling news at the bottom of MSNBC "Cindy McCain heads to the country of Georgia to 'assess civilian casualties' ". Are you *#&%&# kidding me? I am sure that we can all sleep well at night knowing that Cindy McCain is assessing the casualties of an international conflict. Did I miss something about her training as a triage doctor? What the hell is she going to do, call up InBev and get them a Busch Light?

Seriously, Cindy… power down your battery cells and take a hint from Michelle Obama. Do something that you love, care about your community, be true and strong and right, and it will shine through.

Cats and Politics

2008-08-21T13:11:00.001-04:00

The two things that Lisa loves most in the world (her kids aside)... together in one delicious little Slate.com video.

The Drunken Catharsis

2008-08-15T12:28:00.002-04:00

This is officially the funniest analysis that I've seen of the joint Clinton-Obama decision to have a roll call vote at the Dem Convention:

"I’ve always believed that "closure" and "catharsis" are pretty much just empty words one generally uses to justify sleeping with ex-boyfriends after the fifth glass of wine."

Huh... you mean other people do that, too? I think I managed to parlay that particular brand of "catharsis" into at LEAST two unwarranted Relationship 2.0s with ex-boyfriends.

God, I hope that analogy doesn't hold true at the Democratic National Convention.

Totally Hot.

2008-08-05T23:32:00.002-04:00

Totally. :)

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

So I've never been a big Paris H fan, but I can get behind someone who can totally make fun of themselves....so she gets points for this one. And I'll give proper cred where it's due - A2 sent me this link tonight and I totally used it as a blog post before she could race over here to post it o her own. Sawry, sistah! Just trying to make up for lost blogging time. Since, you know, my hubby has commeted before that it is nice of you to let me post on your blog from time to time.

Feels like the first time....

2008-07-29T23:14:00.008-04:00

I just bought a sweet OBAMA '08 car magnet for my pathfinder (which isn't *quite* a smart car, but hey, baby steps from this GRITS*, alright!?!??!) Yes, I am excited. I can't take it anymore - OBAMA MUST WIN. There you have it - I'm taking a chance on the soccer player. I'm jumping into this relationship with both feet and I really hope he doesn't leave me waiting by the phone and crying over "what might have been." Don't break my heart, Baracky-poo. This is a big step for me. Big Step. I know all the girls say this but it's true:

I've. Never. Done. This. Before.

Please be gentle, and please mean all those amazing things you're whispering in my ear.... and call me in the morning. We could be good together, you and me....

*Girl Raised In The South

Tiger Beat!

2008-05-20T15:17:00.002-04:00

OMG, NKOTB is reuniting! I am equal parts tickled silly by this blast from my past, and a little grossed out by men in their late 30s uttering vapid statements like "I was, like, hey girl can I get your number". I am 30, so I was one of the legions of acne-covered, slightly pudgy little girls who memorized all of the lyrics, back when they were New Kids on The Block, not NKOTB (their early 90s reinvention). I would scour the magazine racks for issues of Tiger Beat with them on the cover. I picked Donny as "my" New Kid, not necessarily because I thought he was the cutest, but because everyone else was in love with Joey or Jordan. So, I had to be different.

Then I grew up, my face cleared up, and I stayed a little pudgy. I started taking down the wallpaper of pinups that I had acquired (and kept up much longer than was cool, or that I admitted to my friends). And gave up my NKOTB fantasies. And then I saw the Sixth Sense… *shudder*

And now they are back. And that little girl with the Walkman is doing a little dance. And the grown-up is wondering whether these geezers can make it.

Daily Tragedy Round-Up

2008-05-16T18:40:00.003-04:00

I was reading the headlines this morning, and (as usual) felt like ending it all in a bucket of Edy's Thin Mint Ice Cream. A couple of highlights of the nastiness:

A couple in India is killed because they fell in love with each other, and happened to be from the same village. Call me culturally insensitive, but that's total bullshit. Oh, and the best part? The dad confessed, and everyone in town rejoiced.

Someone hand me a bottle of wine.

My personal choice for Parent of the Year, Lori Drew, is charged in the suicide death of a 16 year old girl. Lori's daughter didn't get along with Megan Meier, so Lori made a MySpace page pretending to be a young man who was interested Megan. She hooked her, then starting flaming her on MySpace, finally telling her that "the world would be a better place without her". At least she's getting charged for Megan's subsequent death by hanging, but seriously... I love it that older people are internet savvy enough to act like vindictive, emotionally impulsive teenagers. The internet is truly a voice for everyone... isn't it great?

I'm going to need a glass over here, and how about a corkscrew?

And finally, I love the news that KK, the infamous Mayor of Detroit, has now decided that all text messaging on city-owned pagers is totally private business. Could it be a coincidence that he is about to get busted for perjury and misuse of public funds, because of the totally idiotic texting he did with his chief of staff (and undercover lovah)? Isn't it amazing that, for millenia, men in power have been changing rules and laws to allow them their own indiscretions?

Man, I am cranky. I'm so glad that I have this wonderful bottle of Mondavi Cabernet! Wait, what's what you say? Robert Mondavi died today?

Now, THAT is a true tragedy. And I'm back to the Edy's.

RIP, Robert Mondavi. You're going to make heaven a much happier and tipsier place.

Forever in Blue Jeans?

2008-05-08T15:28:00.005-04:00

OMG - Barack is wearing JEANS!?!!? Everyone freak out!!! The real question is this: How much time will the 24 hour news channel pundits spend speculating the hidden meaning of his Levi's? And how much fun will it be to watch the Daily Show after they do??

And now...... for the American Idol reference of the day I give you:

Not my fave performance of his by a mile (and seriously, how crummy was Neil Diamond week, anyway???) Overall I give season 7 about a 4.5 on a scale of 1 to 10. If not for Jason and David C, I think I would have tuned out a long time ago....

So, Andrea will continue to write wonderfully introspective, funny entries and I will continue to post links and videos, doing my part to marry the presidential election and American Idol as often as possible. Cut me some slack, I just had a baby!!!! (How long can I use this excuse???)

Rosy Perfection Salad

2008-05-06T15:38:00.004-04:00

So, 'round about the first of the year, I decided I was sick of being fat. My clothes were getting tight, and more often than not, my evenings ended with a bottle of wine and about four quesadillas at 10 PM… now, usually I was talking to Lisa while I was eating and drinking, but my jaw flapping doesn't really burn that many calories. Though, in case you were wondering, vacuuming for 10 minutes does burn 31 calories. At that rate, I could vacuum for 7 hours and make up for my evening snack (bottle of wine= 500 calories, 4 quesadillas=896 calories). Lovely.

Instead, I joined Weight Watchers. I've done it before, and it makes sense to me. Eat food that's fairly good for you, and not too much of it. And exercise. And then you can still have the bottle of wine. Just not every day. And not with 4 quesadillas. A sad sad thought, but probably realistic.

Anyway, it's been working. I'm not doing anything other than weighing in once per week and paying them for the pleasure of doing it. It's not like I don't KNOW what I need to do to lose weight, I'm just generally lazy about it. So, in order to pay attention to what I eat, I need to pay someone else.

I didn't claim mental health, you know.

Anyway, the WW plan is pretty simple. You assign points (basically counting calories) to food, and you only get so many points per day. More if you exercise. Ta-da! Magic. In the bygone days, though, there used to be a whole food weighing regimen that dieters followed. There must have been some other voodoo, as well, because the food that WW endorsed was INSANE. Read this blog post to see some of the funniest recipes from the 70s. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll never look at diet food (or jellied salads!) the same way again.

The blog entry read 'round the world

2008-04-21T07:56:00.001-04:00

Obviously, the writers at the Chicago Sun Times read Wine Colored Glasses. How else to explain the last paragraph in this article, showing that Obama, does, in fact, drink beer? Huh? Huh? See, we're famous!

The Beer Test

2008-04-18T14:45:00.002-04:00

OK, so my excuse is… um… I've been talking to Lisa on the phone while she's been breastfeeding. Hard to hold the phone and type you know!

See, I think the real problem with Simon running for president in 2008 is that he doesn't pass the "Guy I'd Like to Have a Beer With" test that's been so important in recent elections (2000 *cough* and *ahem* 2004). Dubya may not have understood foreign policy, diplomacy, economics (or fundamental mathematics for that matter) or English, but he'd be great guy to kick back with and have a Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a can.

But Simon? Nah-- first off, he's never deign to have a beer with someone as uncool as me. Then he'd probably criticize the way that I hold my glass (because Simon is sure as hell not a can o' beer guy). He's drinking Chimay out of a glass.

But now we're getting down to it, aren't we? Because if I wouldn't want to sit down with Simon for a beer… then who would I sit down and have a beer with?

I don't know that it would be Barack… he just doesn't strike me as a beer guy. Maybe a red wine guy (elitist and out of touch??). Or with that voice, a cigar and whiskey straight kind of guy. And Hilary?? Nope, still not feeling it. I'd never be able to relax** Which leaves Johnny M. Crap-- he's still got the Guy With Beer appeal. Ugh. Mind you, I'm still not voting for him.

Maybe I can learn how to hold my glass a little higher and enjoy the Chimay.

**for the record, I can tell you what I DO want to do with Hillary-- doubles tennis, with her as my partner. Imagine the lengths she would go to smash the ball in the face of our opponent! There's no way we could lose. And if we did, she'd certainly have their kneecaps taken care of the next day.

Tap tap tap...

2008-04-05T22:45:00.005-04:00

This thing working???

So...how embarrassing! This blog has 20 fantastic posts so far...but only ONE of them was in the month of March. Well, here's my excuse:

Isn't she sweet???? Yes, I gave birth in early March - and have basically been breastfeeding ever since. I'm not sure what Andrea's story is going to be.....

I'll attempt to spare the three (?) readers of this blog the down and dirty details of life with a preschooler and a newborn, and instead will share this article I came across during one of my one hand typing internet searches as I nursed the baby, yet again. (oops, that was almost a detail, I'll try harder next time!)

So here it is, the marrying of my two favorite topics of conversation: American Idol and Decision 2008. All right here in a snarky little article: Seven Reasons Simon Cowell Should be our Next President.

Discuss.

We interrupt this blogging lull to bring you. . .

2008-03-03T22:51:00.004-05:00

. . . The Delegate Ga me! I found this earlier while poking around on CNN.com and found it to be kind of interesting. I wish you could slide the little counters to represent percentage of votes rather than just number of delegates, but I suppose the convoluted system that assigns democratic delegates would make that hard to do?? Who knows? At any rate, the media's "Crucial Tuesday" should prove interesting.

And also this - I saw the Bill Clinton portion of this youtube clip on Meet the Press on Sunday. (I know, I know - but I'm an official MTP geek at this point!) It was from 2004 when Bill was campaigning for John Kerry. My, what a difference 4 years makes, no? It must be a bitch to have everything you've ever said on film somewhere.

Go, Obama, Go!!! (sing along mamas, you know you were thinking of the Diego theme!! Don't lie!) I'm nothing if not well rounded.

Did I mention I'm giving birth by the end of the week? So much for crucial Tuesday....Thursday's feeling a tad more crucial to me!

Speaking of Coke...

2008-02-20T23:36:00.004-05:00

Let's just get right to it - American Idol has premiered its top 24 and really, what else matters? For the first time all season I actually watched AI in (almost) real time, leaving behind the primary returns in favor of what people are really voting for in America...

So while I've admittedly been swooning over the Aussie dude for a while.... last night my heart went to Jason Castro. What is it about this guy? Loved. Everything. About. This. Clip.

Here's hoping he can survive for a while in the AI cess-pool of pop where Carrie Clones and adorable teens seem to rule...

I Live In a Blue State

2008-02-20T08:44:00.005-05:00

I'm not talking about feelin' blue (though if my kids don't start sleeping through the night, and pronto, I'm apt to start saying that).

I'm not talking about politics (Michigan does swing both ways, if you know what I mean).

What I'm talking about is Pop. That's right, that bubbly sweetened beverage from the gods. Lisa told me this morning that she cracks up every time she calls my house and hears my daughter ask for pop (though I would feel remiss in my duties as a blogger if I didn't mention that, by 18 months old, her son could say, with total clarity, "Diet Coke"). Would pop by any other name taste as sweet? When I lived in Louisiana for a time and was waiting tables, I learned how to grit my teeth and call it soda... well, except when I was living in New Orleans, where it is called "cold drink".

I grew up knowing that not everyone called pop pop, and that it was a Michiganism. And all of the rest of the country called it, properly, soda. Then I traveled a bit and found out that, in fact, a large chunk of the U.S. calls it "coke", regardless of brand. This is mostly in the south (a.k.a. Coca-Cola Alley).

Which brings me to this map of the US, color coded by county, based on predominant word for pop. Blue is "pop". Red is "coke". Yellowish-green is "soda". I live in a solid-blue state, but I was surprised to know that a huge portion of the rest of the country (geographically) is blue, too. In fact, it's really just New England and California (and some other blob that might be St. Louis or Indianapolis... my geography is horrid) that call it "soda". So, what is the proper name exactly??

The English Language, Obamafied

2008-02-15T15:44:00.002-05:00

Click on the "more" button to get additional fun phrases...

Getting Something For Nothing

2008-02-14T12:25:00.005-05:00

I've had this string of headaches for a couple of weeks now. And I'm not normally someone who has headaches, so it's vaguely concerning. It's not really in the budget to get a bunch of testing done, so I'm trying a bunch of different hypotheses to try to figure it out. I got my eyes checked yesterday-- all clear. I tried abstaining from wine (the horror!), drinking more water... nothing helped. So, I have a new hypothesis: I think that my consumption of Splenda is giving me headaches.

Follow along as I go all Michael Pollan on yo' ass. I've been trying to lose a few pounds (who isn't??), and I'm doing this by eating a little less and exercising a little more. The issue is that I have a sweet tooth-- in my coffee, sweetening my oatmeal, etc. I've been accommodating this by using Splenda in my coffee, tea, and oatmeal, and eating sugar-free candies when I get the urge for something sweet. In short, I've been getting something for nothing. I get to have all of my sweetened goodness without actually paying for it with calories. Sweet!

Then a friend of mine started looking at the amount of artificial sweetener she was ingesting, which got me looking, and wowza. Splenda is some nasty, nasty chlorinated anhydride. And one of the main side effects of its use is... wait for it... headaches. Maybe you really can't get something for nothing.

And while we're talking about that, let me throw in my political commentary for the day. One of my biggest beefs about the Iraq War is that the government has us set up to get something for nothing. We haven't talked at all about personal sacrifice for this "cause". So far, the economic cost of the war is approaching 1/2 trillion dollars. That's $4100 per household. That is a hell of a lot of money for most of us, and translates to some fairly substantial cash for the vast majority of us. Do you think this war would get any more popular than it already is if we had to, say, give up a car or not heat our houses or skip a few Christmases? In past wars, the citizens of the US have been expected to shoulder some of the burden of the cost of war, via Victory Gardens or having women enter the workforce in greater numbers. But in 2008?? We get tax cuts and tax prebates, while spending more than $700 billion annually on defense. How does this add up?

You can't get something for nothing, so why are we acting like we can?

John McCain

2008-02-12T15:08:00.001-05:00

Now if only we could show how he started the fire with a nuclear warhead...

Mac Daddy Election Coverage - right here

2008-02-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

So, Andrea sent me, the longtime Mac lover, this article the other day, with the tagline "So this just about sums it up for you, right???" The graphic alone made me chuckle. So I googled around and found a another article along the same lines, which made me laugh even more.

Last night I was sharing them with my brother (Hi Hamsterbrain!) who after checking them out, quipped "Well, I guess that makes Huckabee a Commodore 64? And, well, we thought were were pretty funny going from there. My guess is that Romney is a Window-enabled cell phone....looks pretty slick but Just. Doesn't. Work. As. Advertised.

We couldn't quite decide how to describe McCain...and didn't even get to the other laundry list of candidates-gone-by. Thoughts???

Oh, and as my parting thought....for your afternoon entertainment on this Chesapeake Primary Tuesday....I give you this. From October 2007. I find it even funnier now than I did then.

Good times.

At least we have THIS to go up against...

2008-02-11T12:17:00.000-05:00

Still eyeing the soccer player, more smitten all the time

2008-02-10T15:51:00.000-05:00

"We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." ~Barack Obama

With a couple of minor exceptions, this article in today's Washington Post could have been written about me. Ms. DeBusk is surrounded by more Republicans on a daily basis than I am, and also speaks more kindly of Romney than I can imagine...but otherwise, when it comes to Decision 2008 thus far, we a sharing a big comfy seat in the theater.

A week in...

2008-02-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

And I already have writer's block? This cannot be good. Hmmmm....my husband's not a reverend. We are still chasing skunks. I'm in a war of words with a local official, which is apparently where my writing mojo is channeled at the moment. I am trying to decide if I'm dragging my three year old to a Barack Obama rally in my area on Monday. (Unlikely, seeing how they allow no bags inside and - Oh My God - hours at a rally with a preschooler and no goldfish or juice to speak of? Not sounding so good. Oh, and there's that whole they turned three thousand people away from an Obama rally in Seattle because they were to capacity thing, so my chances of getting within a hundred feet of the guy are slim.) Maybe if I airbrushed "Babies for Obama" on my belly???

Holy parenthesis!!
I have a feeling that Andrea is going to make me look bad in this whole blogging gig. She is an incredible thinker and even better writer. Me? I'm just chasing skunks! :)

Speaking of great writing - check out these blogs. Two of my faves, which will hopefully tide you over during this lull of writing greatness on my end of this blogging deal. Coincidentally, by Monday afternoon both of these women will have given birth within a week of each other. (Note - they've both been more baby-centric lately, which makes perfect sense, but that's not always the case. Bookmark them! You'll be glad you did!!) I'd been reading both of their blogs long before they announced they were expecting baby #2. Approximately ONE MONTH before our baby number 2 is presumably arriving.

I'm assuming that the three Daves out there would not appreciate a laundry list of entries involving my impending birth and any bodily functions that may accompany such information, while the rest of you are additionally praying to god that I don't start detailing the closets I'm cleaning out or the number of pink baby gowns I plan to take to the hospital, complete with coordinating baby hats. And don't even get Andrea started on my incredibly girly burp cloths. I mean really, I was gushing over the cuteness that is little burp cloths with ribbon and ric rac and monograms and little fuzzy pom pom balls, lovingly made and sent to me by my mother.... and Andrea's entire comment on the subject? "And then she's gonna PUKE on these, right?"

Pfft. Just when you think you've bridged the Mommy War gap....

Hey David!

2008-02-08T14:22:00.000-05:00

It has come to our attention that, of the three known readers of this blog (apart from Lisa and I), every one of them is named David. Apparently, we appeal to a very specific focus group.

Reverend Jokester

2008-02-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

In an effort to not talk politics all the time, I've decided to move on to a much more light-hearted topic: Religion. Seriously, I'm kind of kidding about that, but somehow this blog seems to be turning into a 2 AM, Mad Dog 20/20-fueled freshman dormroom conversation. "So, dude, do you, like, believe in God?" Puff puff, pass.

Some of my very good friends are getting married this summer, and are having a hard time finding someone to marry them, because they are an interfaith couple, and apparently, a lot of officiants are not really down with that. In the meantime, I am attending a wedding on Tuesday night. At a bar. Officiated by my hubby.

Here's the story: About 5 years ago, my hubby ran across the Universal Life Church, a Church of the Internet, where you could get yourself ordained in about 4 minutes. It was really pretty funny, and he ran around calling himself Reverend for a few months, blessing people and doing a mock-serious religious schtick. The interesting thing about the whole "separation of church and state" add-on to the Constitution is that the State can't really tell you what is a "real" church (This doesn't really stop them from getting involved in marriages and who is allowed to enter into them, but that's a different topic). So, because he was ordained by a church, any church, he actually has the power to legally marry people.

Flash forward to last summer. A good friend of his wanted to be married, didn't want a stranger or a preacher marrying them, and asked my hubby to do it. He said yes, and months later, there he was, in a suit with a book in his hands, marrying his buddy. I was really proud of him, because though it started as a joke, Reverend Hubby had to accept a lot of responsibility to marry them, and he really knocked it out of the park.

Now it's apparently becoming a cottage industry, because some casual acquaintances have asked him to marry them, over pint drafts of Anchor Steam. And I am going to be the witness. Does that make their marriage any less real? Religion-- does it make a marriage? Can a marriage officiated by someone who started out his officiant life as Reverend Jokester be serious? Discuss. Puff, puff, pass.

Skunk Killers for President

2008-02-06T11:20:00.000-05:00

So, this one will require some explanation. Lisa and her family have skunk issues. Major skunk issues. So, Lisa has an understandable hatred for the animals. Recently, she and her hubby trapped one of said offenders beneath their house, and intended to dispatch of it (if you know what I mean). For several reasons, this did not work out.

Last night, as we were blearily discussing the election results, Lisa made a comment about how she should vote for the presidential candidate who could come kill her skunks. I laughed, she noted that she'd probably have to vote for Hillary, I laughed harder, she made mention of Hil moving on to killing kittens, and I moved into soundless laughter punctuated by squeaks (probably not unlike the squeaks of a skunk having its beating heart ripped out by a presidential hopeful).

So, in the interest of helping Lisa decide who to vote for, I've developed the following Small Mammal Rubric of Presidential Hopefuls:

Candidate: Mitt Romney
Skunk Killer? No
Rationale: Could muss hair
Kitten Killer? Yes
Rationale: Probably illegal immigrant

Candidate: Mike Huckabee
Skunk Killer? No
Rationale: Goes against Christian values
Kitten Killer? No
Rationale: Killing kittens would get him banned from Late Night, and really wouldn't be that funny

Candidate: John McCain
Skunk Killer? Yes
Rationale: POWs take no mercy on skunks; willing to wage 100 year war on skunks, if that's what it takes
Kitten Killer? Maybe
Rationale: If perceived as threat to national security

Candidate: Ron Paul
Skunk Killer? No
Rationale: Power not spelled out in constitution
Kitten Killer? No
Rationale: And will close all kitten-killing facilities abroad

Candidate: Barack Obama
Skunk Killer? No
Rationale: Death not very uplifting message
Kitten Killer? No
Rationale: Um... No We Can't!

Candidate: Hillary Clinton
Skunk Killer? Yes
Rationale: Could be potential rival, must be crushed
Kitten Killer? Yes
Rationale: Looked coyly at Bill; kind of resembles Monica Lewinsky with poofy black fur

Based on this very scientific reasoning, I have determined that her ideal candidate is Hillary Clinton, with John McCain being a close second.

While I'm Tapping My Fingers...

2008-02-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

...waiting for the first exit polling, I have to share these comics below. Hallmark, who knew they were so funnicated?

Probably why it is good that we weren't friends in college....

2008-02-05T08:46:00.001-05:00

GO FOR THE SOCCER PLAYER. You know you want him. Besides, accountants with pocket protectors and 401k plans are a dime a dozen. You may never get a chance with a soccer player again, girlie! What if this is your only chance to make it with a hottie soccer player?? Do you really want to always wonder "what if??"

;)

Protecting My Heart

2008-02-05T08:02:00.000-05:00

"You're way too beautiful, girl
That's why it'll never work
You have me suicidal, suicidal
When you say it's over"
-Sean Kingston

And this is how I feel about Obama (you know, except for the girl part). It's funny, oftentimes in conversation, I end up being the one to defend Hillary. To Lisa, to my other friends, my family. Virtually everyone I know of a liberal bent is supporting him, but I just can't give my heart away. I'm afraid that if I give in to his sweet talk and smooth affect, my heart is going to break if he isn't the nominee. By all accounts, I should be for Obama. Most of my political leanings fall more closely with his than Hillary's. For all of the crap she gets from The Right, she's actually quite a Centrist.

So, come November, it's a foregone conclusion for me that I'll be voting for a Dem. I feel like I just can't get my hopes up. I was thinking about this topic this morning as I was nursing my youngest... I don't think there has been a presidential election that I've been able to vote in where I wasn't choosing AGAINST someone else. I voted for Gore in 2000 and Kerry in 2004, but honestly... bless 'em... they didn't really inspire much. I was more a strong proponent of the ABB (Anyone But Bush) platform. And I voted for Clinton in 1996, but I think that was just a knee-jerk liberal upbringing vote. I didn't think very deeply about who I would vote for.

This is the first time I may be able to vote FOR someone. And it scares the shit out of me. What does that say about politics in this country?

Here's what it is: I voted for Mitt Romney in the Michigan primary (for a whole host of obnoxious reasons that had nothing to do with my personal beliefs and everything to do with our state's Democratic primary snafu) and I had to take a scalding hot shower and scrub my skin off with a loofah afterwards. I don't want to let myself start to hate Hil, because I don't want to repeat that feeling of waste and disgust in November.

So, until then, I'm just keeping my heart in check. At least until today is over and I have a better idea if I should marry myself to the solid accountant with the pocket protector and the 401K plan, or whether I should go for the Peruvian soccer player I met in the beer garden who whispers poetry in my ear.

Filled with possibility

2008-02-04T18:34:00.000-05:00

"...Clinton is an essay, solid and reasoned; Obama is a poem, lyric and filled with possibility."

I love this quote from the LA Times' endorsement of Barack Obama - not only does it make the writing teacher in me do a little dance, it says so much about why I've dubbed myself an Obama Mama for at least the immediate future. I am more excited about watching the Super Tuesday returns than I was about last night's Superbowl. I am incredibly energized by Barack Obama. (Just ask Andrea, she's been listening to me gush and watching all the You Tube clips I've sent her for weeks!) I hope against hope that he is the Democratic nominee. For so many reasons. And I'm a girl who (after the last four years in particular is embarrassed to say) has never voted for anyone but a Republican in a presidential election. Super Tuesday voters, don't let me down!!!!!!

Change we can believe in - It is time and I am ready.

You Can Dress Up a Pig

2008-02-02T08:01:00.001-05:00

Has anyone ever heard of the fast food restaurant called Hot 'N' Now? This was a super gross franchise just local to Michigan. It's main claim to fame was that it was ridiculously inexpensive. You could get three, count 'em, three hamburgers for a dollar. I shudder to think about the amount of sawdust filler needed to make that price point. When I was in high school, I could scrounge around in the back seat cushions of my car and get enough money for lunch (with at least 40 cents leftover for gas). It was great. Now I wonder about those hamburgers and whether I'm going to be blaming them for colon cancer someday. Yikes.

The other thing that these restaurants were really notable for was their absolutely horrendous architecture. Kind of a short, squat box surrounded by endless loops of drive-through queues (it was only for drive-through... no getting out of the car to eat at this culinary establishment!).

Well, amazingly, this business model didn't really last, and what we were left with was dozens of empty Hot 'N' Now shells. Well, that, and apparently Hot 'N' Now Fan Clubs.

So, what to do with these.. ahem... architectural gems? They tried to dress up the pigs, but it just didn't work. The few around here have been a drive-through coffee joint (that looked like a Hot 'N' Now), a drive-through tax preparation place (That looked like a Not 'N' Now), a drive-through... well, you get the picture.

Which gets me to my point: We should really think about the stinkers we are building when we build them, because otherwise we're stuck with Hot 'N' Nows forever. Even if we try to reuse them, we're not fooling anyone. It's totally not worth it, even for 33.33 cent hamburgers.

Seats in the Theater

2008-02-01T23:20:00.000-05:00

Wow.

Andrea mentions John McCain by name in the first four words of her introductory post? Didn't see that one coming. I'm feeling almost obligated to toss out something about Hillary, but we'll get to politics soon enough!!

So yeah, the mommy wars. What a bunch of media hype that is. I'm a stay at home mom to a preschooler and am expecting baby number two this spring. I have a masters degree and worked full time in the public school system for 6 years before going part time for a year before starting our family. (If ony I had a dime for every time someone asked me "But what do you DO the rest of the week????") When I left for maternity leave, just before the birth of our first child, I skipped out the door (well, I suppose waddled my way out the door may be a better description, but I digress) and never looked back.

On paper Andrea and I should hate the mere thought of one another, or at the very least trash each other to our respective social groups. Instead, we've found that we are the closest of friends, in spite of the fact that we've made some very different choices and more than 600 miles separates us geographically. I guess that explains the marathon phone calls on Friday nights - we can't meet for dinner and drinks, so why not a three hour phone call, clinking our wine glasses across the phone lines while solving the world's problems in a single bound???? We learn from each other. We make each other think. Every now and then we change each other's minds, if only a tad. But most importantly we laugh.

And laugh and laugh. We crack up at the stereotypes we are supposed to be. Sure, we fit them in some ways, but in the end we are simply two women doing the best that we can - we love our children, we love our husbands and we love what we are doing because it is exactly what makes us the women we want to be. And oddly enough, the more we talk about our different seats in the theater, the more realize we aren't actually sitting that far apart and that we are, in fact, watching the same film at the end of the day. You often hear (or fear?) that the grass is always greener - but we've found that while the grass is certainly lush on both sides of the fence, there are also a fair amount of weeds in both places. And forget crabgrass - the killer weed? GUILT. Mother guilt is universal, and shows no favoritism. So warring mommies - if there really are any of you out there - offer out an olive branch and see if you can at the very least bond over the mother guilt. There's plenty to go around, that's for sure.

We endlessly discuss everything from the presidential election to childbirth options to the latest Britney debacle and American Idol. Often with equal urgency. We are frank, snarky, smart (if we do say so ourselves) and let it all hang out. We know who we are - and we listen to each other. We aren't out to change each other, or to argue endlessly - we have just been fortunate enough to manage to cross paths in this crazy world. And thank goodness for that. Otherwise I would never have known about the wonders of Soda Club and Andrea wouldn't be as versed in all things monogramming. Imagine the horror!!!

We're not sure what this blog will turn into, or if anyone will actually read it. But we're hoping to continue the conversation here and have some fun.

Oh no! Did I say "continue the conversation???" Sigh. I guess I was bound to make some Hillary reference after that snarky opening paragraph. Oh well, at least I can't get Dooced for anything I say here. See? Another perk of being a SAHM!!!! Well, that and the killer wardrobe.

Calling A Spade a Shovel

2008-02-01T21:53:00.001-05:00

I'm no John McCain, but I do value straight talk. I'm a huge fan of calling a spade a spade, but I have to take issue with the media-fueled insanity surrounding this concept of "The Mommy Wars." For the uninitiated, this is the (totally credible) idea that mothers who work outside the home clash with stay-at-home moms about who is Doing It Right.

Stay-at-home-moms say that heartless career moms are leaving their children to the wolves of daycare providers for their own personal gain. Moms with a career outside the home sneer at the housewives who shrivel in a constricting gender role. Makes sense, intellectually. And every few months, some fame-seeking pundit decides to start another battle in the Mommy Wars. Or write a book about it. And the blogosphere goes crazy. We get defensive. Who wouldn't get defensive?? You can't much more personal than asking us whether we love our kids enough, or whether our life's work is REALLY that important.

It's a great story. It gets people really worked up. The problem is this: It just isn't true in real life. In real life, we are all plagued by the guilt monster (and this monster does a heck of a lot more than hide under our bed). Am I not spending enough time with my children because I'm at work? Am I withering on the vine here at home? In real life, we are proud of our accomplishments, whether it is a recent promotion, or an A on a child's report card.

Lisa and I are here to debunk the Mommy War Myth (among MANY other things). I'll let Lisa introduce herself, but I am a work-outside-the-home mother of 3, the breadwinner of a household of 5. And one of my closest friends in the world is a stay-at-home mom. On paper, we are about as different as you can get, but in practice, we were separated at birth. And we are not unique. There are a hell of a lot more of us out there than them.

But I suppose that's not the story. In the media, it's all about the headline car crash, not about neighborhood tree planting.

In terms of the Mommy Wars, we're seeing the headlines, not the truth. So, because I'm in for straight talk, I'm going to call this spade a shovel, and dig myself out from underneath the story.